And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
