I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
