Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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