so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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