My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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