i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
