if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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