I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize