I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
