I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
