And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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