quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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