i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
