just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
