ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You made out with two different species that night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
