in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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