if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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