Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
