So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
