Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
