I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
