we have officially lost it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My feet surprised me
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