The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
