I just threw up on my dentist
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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