3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
