I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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