STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
