You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
