I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
