I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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