lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
