you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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