Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
