Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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