By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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