I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
