Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
