I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize