Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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