I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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