You can't motorboat a personality
never play flip cup with pint glasses
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize