Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
