I will die if light touches me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
