At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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