my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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