the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
