Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
