and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
