So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My balls are so social today.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
