the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
