So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
