this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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