No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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