saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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