Yo dont text me then not text me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
