Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
