Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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