I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
