so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
