I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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