even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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