Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
