It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
