I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
