It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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