listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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