Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
